Staring at the Wall

Tuesday Night. I talked to one person I know from way back and the conversation we had helped me move on with a lot of issues I held on to since November. I though I did fine during our talk. However, from Wednesday to Friday, I felt heavy deep inside and I only had one word for it: stress. 

I will not go into details on what we talked about. It was good. But something about the conversation made me rethink the state I am currently in. And then I felt that our talk was just the 'icing on the cake.' I realized that the reason we conversed is because soon enough, I would have to revisit an old fear and an ancient quest.  

Friday Lunch time. Stress and disorientation got the best of me and as a cure, I went to the bookstore and bought my first self-help book from Bro. Bo Sanchez entitled "Your Past Does Not Define Your Future." I read it in the bus while travelling home and I was deeply touched with some of the messages and anecdotes in the book. 

Mind you, I have always wanted to read it since college but I didn't have the courage to pick it up and place it on the cashier. I always told myself, "may perfect timing ang pagbabasa ko niyan." And last night was 'that' time.

I admire how Bro. Bo opened up about his addictions -- his struggles with sex, pornography, masturbation, and more importantly, finding and revaluing himself. I believe that to some extent, all of us can relate to what he has gone through, maybe not with sex and lust but with addiction itself. I, for one, am undergoing through a lot recently and I thank him for reminding me that there is indeed hope and rescue that is always available for us, courtesy of God. 

Too much holiness and godliness now. If you would let me continue, I'd like to share with you a part of the book:

CHAPTER 10: UNTIL YOU GET HEALED (my short version)

There was a woman in a mental facility and she was violent, helpless even. Everyone including her doctors have given up on her and she was left secluded in her room and always staring at the wall. 

Everyone quit on her, except one person.

The janitor in the hospital has always wanted to help her and see if there is still a means to cater her recovery. What he did was after his duty, he would go inside the woman's room, his own chair by the hand, sit parallel with the woman and stare at the wall with her for 30 silent minutes. 

Years have passed and this routine continued. One day, the janitor sat beside the woman, as usual, and surprisingly, the woman started talking and it evolved into conversations. Eventually the woman was released from the mental hospital fully recovered.

And why was she healed? Because there was one man who through his actions, told the woman, "Listen lady, I'm going to stay here beside you. I'm never going to leave you. I'll sit here with you until you get healed."


I wish all of us would get to meet our own version of that janitor someday. But as Bro. Bo put it, and I totally agree, that janitor is God. He will never leave us. He will sit beside us, year on year, until we get healed from whatever it is that has been causing us pain.


In general, I am not a fan of reading self-help books because they tell of a story of one person's triumph and his recommendations which are not applicable for everyone. And when I do, which is seldom, I see to it that even from judging it by the cover, it is a worthwhile read. With this book, I wasn't wrong.  

Believe that your past does not define your future. 

And as I continue on with life, I hope I can walk focused now and avoid more of that Tuesday night in the coming days. 

(Photo not mine)