On Writing, On Dreaming

The Feast PICC taught me to visualize my dreams. The Novena to God’s Love trained me to set specific goals with feasible timelines.

In 2014 I decided I want to become a published writer. I was serious with the dream but not yet with the corresponding investments (physical, financial, and social) to make it happen.

Baby steps

I found the Internet as a great space to share my thoughts and experiences so I created a blog where I post anything that interests and affects me.

In May 2014, I joined the Feat PICC Print Media Ministry as a writer. I diligently covered my assigned talks and homilies and submitted my articles on time. The sacrifice paid off when, for the first time in a long time, I saw my byline in a publication. It brought back great energy to my insecure hands.

Bolder aspirations

I also wrote in my Novena that I aspire to be published in Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Young Blood column, a section that accepts contributions from young writers who have relevant opinion about basically any topic under the sun.

Fast forward to September 2014 and my first essay “Papa, Don’tPreach” was published. As the year turned, my second article “Pope of ManyQuestions” was also accommodated by the editors.

No longer a ‘virgin’

God made my first two dreams come true. I took them as signs that He wants the best for me so I wrote another bold prediction. I asked to be one of the playwrights in Virgin Labfest (VLF), a festival of untried, untested, and unstaged one-act plays in the Cultural Center of the Philippines.

I knew that achieving such goal entails bigger and bolder preparations. I took up Theater Arts and Basic Acting classes at the Philippine Education Theater Association (PETA) to immerse in theater. I bought books featuring some of the best local and international plays ever written (big credit to the ultimate bookworm haven, Book Sale), I watched several productions from different theater groups to appreciate the craft, and I wrote ideas in my phone and in my notebook to make sure that I don’t forget good dialogues and hard-hitting punch lines.

To cut the long story short, I poured a generous amount of time, money, effort, and mixed them up with bowls of creativity and courage, and flavored them to perfection with pitchers of hope and faith just to be called a writer.

Fast forward to April this year – my play “The Wedding Planners” was chosen as one of the Staged Readings for Virgin Labfest 11. The festival opened up opportunities for me including working with young actors whom I admired and developing the play to an emotional and entertaining piece of work.

It was staged last June 26 and several friends, colleagues, and loved ones (most especially my parents) were there to watch it. That was a night filled with love, support, and admiration.

***

I feel truly blessed as I look back on my VLF experience. I was calling on God to bless me from the time I dreamed of becoming a writer, to the countless days-turned-nights when I wrote my play, to the day of the announcement, until that moment when the lights turned off and the actors became my characters.  

I have a lot of people to thank for but God comes first and last. He is writing one hardworking life story and I am fortunate he is letting me contribute. I am thankful that God gave me this talent, through which I am able to bless, inspire, and entertain many. I will end this blessing blog with my favorite quotation from Mother Theresa, “I am but a little pencil in the hand of a writing God.”

Keep on writing your own story but remember you are just a contributor. He is, and always will be, the author.

Note to readers: This was originally submitted to the Bulletin of Feast Bay Area, the author's Catholic charismatic community led by Bro. Bo Sanchez. 

Wedding Feels

My one-act play The Wedding Planners was accepted in Virgin Labfest 11, a festival of untried, untested, and unstaged plays. It was produced as a staged reading last June 26 at the Cultural Center of the Philippines.

Synopsis: Bryan and Jane realize that their wedding would take serious planning and they would need professional help. Without him knowing, Jane invites Bryan’s close friend in college, Vic, for initial discussion. Vic is really keen on helping the couple for their Big Day but first, he wants to say ‘Hi’ to an old friend.

 I wrote the play to entertain the audience – make them laugh and relate to that feeling we call ‘love,’ or at least what we believe to be one. I also wrote it to be free from a bad experience.

Here are some reactions from the audience:

• "Witnessed The Wedding Planners the story was great, funny and full of hugots! Congratulations to the casts and kuya Tad and the writer!" – Audrey Roxette Pedrosa
• "Ganda po ng Wedding Planners! :) Makiki-FC po ako pero ang ganda ng material. Andaming pwedeng gawin. Push na po! Abangan ko yung iba niyo pang maisusulat" – Patricia SyJoven
• "Interesado na akong malaman anong kwento tungkol sa EX-penses :)" - Ces Arcilla
• "Ang witty hihi.. wafu pa ung 2 actors hahaha." – Rose Ann Estiva Tano
• "Totoo ba ang bee tart? Kasi di ba nakapunta ka na sa Bohol?" – Arianne Rodelas
• "Matutuloy ba ang kasal?" – Ariane Rodelas and Lovely Hsam Palana
• "Ang galing Ross!!! Ganda! Congrats!!!" – Cris Legaspi
• "Congrats guys...sobrang galing" - Joan Madriñan Abubo
• "Good job. Ang cute ng ending!" - Jerome Zamora, screenwriter
• "The staged reading we saw of Ross Manicad's "The Wedding Planners," starring the wonderful Topper Fabregas and Marco Viana as exes, and helmed by first-time director Jonathan Tadioan, was a way more stirring and emotionally authentic experience," Vincen Gregory Yu*
• 
  

I also received words of encouragement and compliments from industry professionals who I look up to:

• "Maraming salamat sa lahat ng nanuod kanina ng the wedding planners. Maraming salamat Rossielle Manicad sa napakagandang dula, sa mga aktor ko maraming salamat. Salamat Tuxqs Rutaquio sa tiwala. Ang saya. Deverginize na ako." – Jonathan Tadioan, my director
• "Congratulations Rossielle, Tad, Lhorvie, Topper, Marco, Toni. That was a good one. I enjoyed it. Congratulations, too, to Nikki, Rody and Tuxqs for all your hard work for VLF." – Nanding Josef, Tanghalang Pilipino artistic director
• "Congrats din sa mga bumuo ng unang Staged Reading ng taon: mula sa The Wedding Planners ni Ross Manicad: Jonathan Tad Tadioan, Marco Viaña Antonette Go, Lhorvie Ann Melendres Nuevo Topper Fabregas etc! bow!" – Rodolfo Vera, playwright and festival co-founder
• "Rossielle, magsulat muli for next year...baka makapasok ka na!!!!" – Tuxqs Rutaqio, dramaturg and festival director
• "Magsulat ulit, Rossielle Manicad for next year!" – also from Tuxqs Rutaqio

It has been a memorable experience writing The Wedding Planners and producing it alongside other creatives. I am grateful to my director Tad Tadioan of Tanghalang Pilipino for believing in the play and convincing the actors on my behalf.

My admiration for Topper Fabregas and Marco Viana as actors was affirmed when they brought Vic and Bryan to life. I was thinking of them while I was writing the play. To hear and see them play the main characters is beyond my expectations. I strongly believe they are two of the best young actors in Philippine theater now.

I also had immense fun working with my female leads Antonette Go and Lhorvie Ann Nuevo as Jane and Roxy, respectively. They are pleasant actresses with immense potential. Finally, our stage manager Bene Manaois is a highly reliable production lead.

Even though The Wedding Planners was only staged once, I could not have been more grateful to the festival organizers who selected it, my team who co-produced it, and my family and loved ones who watched it. As an aspiring writer, I simply hope that people will read my stories. For them to be published and staged is more than enough.

Going back to reality, I have to think now of what to write next. Needless to say, the only way to become a writer is to write...write...and write.  

*Virgin Labfest 11 runs from June 24- July 12. Watch awesome and affective performances from experienced and new playwrights for a minimal fee only. More information can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/thevirginlabfest?fref=ts

* Vince Gregory Yu is a contributor for Philippine Daily Inquirer - Lifestyle (Theater) column. His article appears on this link. 

First Day High

Kanina ka pa?

Musta?

Ayos lang. Kaw?

Tatango

Asan siya?

Magkikibit-balikat

May kinuha ka na?

Ito lang (Beer at mani)

Boss!

May lalapit

Isa nga rin. (Tuturo sa beer). Tsaka... (Pabulong) pengeng mani. Wag adobo a, nilaga.

Tatango si Boss

Kamusta mga bata?

Tulog na kanina pa

Anong sabi mo?

Kako iinom lang saglit, sa kaibigan ko

Naniwala naman?

Sana

Matalino pa naman yung dalawa

Tangina. Hindi ko alam anong sasabihin ko pag nagtanong uli e

Tahimik. Lilingon sa ibang direksyon

Ayos din pala to nu? Mukhang malinis

Dapat lang. Sa labas man lang e

Yan na yata ung inorder ko

Babalik si Boss, may dalang beer at isang platong mani, at isa pang mani

Hi

Hi. Ernie. Kumpare ko si Jun

Tatango

Tikang. 2 months pa lang.

Yun! Maupo ka

Jun, parang malungkot ka?

‘Di ayos lang yan

Jun, gusto mo ba? May marireto ako

(Diretso ang tingin) Hindi ayos lang

Kanina pa kayo?

Hindi naman

First time niyo dito?

Siya oo, ako hindi

Parang hindi siya nag-eenjoy

Ayos lang yan. Mamaya lang konti magsasalita na rin yan

Okay. Ano namang sinabi mo sa misis mo?

Sus. Wala ako nun.

2 months na ako dito. Lahat sila wala daw nun
Sila yun

Bolero. Itong si Jun ba? Jun!

Meron na ‘ko

Buti pa ‘to mukhang mabait

Mukha lang! Hindi... mabait talaga yang kumpare ko

Tikang, sino yun?

Titingin sila sa kanan

Ewan ko. Bago lang.

Hindi. Yung kasama niya?

Yung balyena? Si Rody, suki rito

Bakit pre?

Blanko

Naku, hindot yang hinayupak na ‘yan. Putangina ang bigat sa kama. Nakakapagod. Ang liit naman ng titi. Tagal pang labasan.

Mukhang may kaya.

Sa totoo lang, malaki naman magtip

Tatayo

Pre, san ka pupunta?

CR lang

Sige, dagdag ako ng isa pa a

Tatango

Babalik sa lamesa

Tuloy ang kwentutan... kwentuhan pala

Anong oras ka matatapos dito?

Maya maya. Mga ala singko. Hindi mo ba ‘ko papainomin?

Siyempre naman. Order ka.

Boss!

Huling lagok na. Tatayo

Jun? Pre?

Palabas

Jun? Pre?

Una na ‘ko.

Pre naman. Ni hindi mo nagalaw yung mani mo.

Papasok pa mga bata

Tangina naman pre. Kakasimula

Baka magising sila.

pa lang

Ni isa sa ‘min hindi nila makita

natin

Mga ala singko pa pala

Ako taya ngayon!

uuwi nanay nila

(378 salita)

Coincidences

I experienced three things in Baguio which were totally out of my control. 

The shutter
On Sunday afternoon, I walked all the way from the White House, to Teachers' Camp, Botanical Garden, Wright Park, and up to The Mansion with my fully-charged digital camera. Those who have been to Baguio know that these sights are far from each other and it is best to commute instead.  

After reaching The Mansion by foot, I hired a taxi to get me to Good Shepherd Convent and Mines View Park in 15 minutes. I spent three to four hours for the entire trip and I took my time taking photos of sights and scenes that interested me. Click. Click. Click. View. Next or delete.

I thought that Mines View Park was tourist-friendly but the view deck (which everyone wants to see) was not that awe-inspiring. Countless of roofs scattered in the mountain range did little to overwhelm me. I decided to take (obligatory) landscape shots to capture my last stop and after three shots, my camera died. 

I submitted to the thought of going back to my transient. I was so damn tired that at one point I even complained putang*na, pagod na 'ko."

The pen
I decided to keep a travel journal with #BiyahengBaguio as my first entry. I wrote down every place I have gone to and my experiences to make my three-day trip last. 

My trip back to Manila was scheduled on a Monday, 2 PM but I was already at Victory Liner by 1:10 PM. The security guard assured me they will announce once the bus has arrived. To kill time, I wrote my last day's journey highlighted by my trip to the Lourdes Grotto. As I was writing my final sentence, expressing gratitude to my landlords, my pen ran out of ink. 

A three-day travel in the City of Pines must be truly exhausting that my pen had to give up on me.

The ride
I weren't able to continue writing so I read The Sherlockian (a fast-paced mystery novel by Academy-award winning writer Graham Moore) instead.

The novel was thrilling and I was so close to finishing it, I didn't want to stop. My mind insisted but my tired eyes gave up. I put a bookmark on the page where I paused and helplessly yawned.  

After what I felt was a long time waiting, I looked at my watch and realized that it was already five minutes before 2 PM! My co-passengers were already boarding the bus so I ran to it. 

Victory Liner didn't announce that my time in Baguio was up. My body made me feel it.  


Whenever I remember these coincidences, I wonder: I think I met Baguio like a lady with her period on, someone who can get cold and unpredictable.  

Tags: #BiyahengBaguio #Baguio #BaguioCity

The Curious Case of Sabel

It was my first time in Baguio City last March 14 to 16. I have always wanted to visit the place but never had the chance to. So when my friends from Feast PICC invited me, I giddily said 'yes.'

Apart from tasting strawberry taho, buying the must-try Good Shepherd Ube Jam, running through Burnham Park, and walking alone on Session Road, I made sure not to leave Baguio without visiting an artist's haven - the BenCab Museum. With two friends, we spent 30 minutes on an uphill ride to see the museum of Benedicto Cabrera, our highly-spirited National Artist for Visual Arts - Painting. 

The museum features his works (I cannot say his 'best' because probably the other 'bests' have been sold in staggering prices during international auctions), along with plenty of masterpieces from local artists.

The three-floor museum houses galleries for Cordillera, the artist's collection, contemporary art, erotica, Indio, and black and white stills. There are countless of sculptures around - modern and ethnic, but not as much as there are paintings and mixed media installations. 

I was overwhelmed with the beauty and backdrop of BenCab Museum.


I didn't meet the master, but I was keen on meeting the muse

Sabel is BenCab's most recognized and perhaps successful muse. She was a bag lady or taong grasa roaming in the same neighborhood as BenCab back in the '60s. 

Seeing her on canvas and on sculpture, I couldn't help but wonder where is she now. Did BenCab help her in any way? Was she aware of her impact to the artist and his followers? How about the next generation of artists and art aficionados? Does she agree with BenCab's interpretation of her condition? I hope the answers to these questions and more are all pleasant. I trust that what I don't know is good enough. 


Sabel on spotlight

This is another thought that bugged me when I 'met' Sabel. I first knew about her because of BenCab's partnership with Swatch for the latter's 25th anniversary. A non-numbered Sabel Swatch watch costs P3,500 while the limited edition numbered watch, which comes with a special case and a six-inch golden sculpture cum paperweight, costs P10,000 a piece. 

I tried the watch on my wrist and thought: she must be a very special lady. I gave back the watch to the staff and again told myself: I have to know her more. 

Back in the museum, Sabel can be felt and found in most corners. In fact, the cafe at the ground floor was even named after her. I hope it is the artist's way of showing gratitude to his muse, and reiterating his interpretation of Sabel's condition vis-a-vis that of the Filipinos. I don't want to entertain any other possible thought. 

Besides, quoting the National Commission for the Culture and Arts:
"For Bencab, Sabel is a melancholic symbol of dislocation, despair and isolation--the personification of human dignity threatened by life's vicissitudes, and the vast inequities of Philippine society"  

Also, quoting the artist himself:
"She was just going around our area on Yakal Street, and I’d see her from my window. Parang abstract eh — ‘yung mga balot-balot niya na plastic. I did drawings; then I started photographing her. I saw a lot of things in her — not only the human side, but also the abstract side.”

I know I may be over thinking things here but after seeing Sabel in the museum, and thinking of the countless Sabels in today's society, I think that reflecting on art and its purpose is the main reason why I endured the long ride going to the museum. 


Giving BenCab the benefit of the doubt (or, in the first place, who am I to judge?)

Perhaps BenCab built Sabel from just the woman to the muse, the brand, and the art, in the same way that Sabel probably helped BenCab seal his name in Philippine arts and culture landscape unintentionally. I think BenCab genuinely transformed from being 'an' artist to 'the' artist by seeing through Sabel, in a way no one else can and did.

Nevertheless, if mainstreaming art is an issue of an artist's ethics, authenticity and commitment, I can say that BenCab disproved it. BenCab showed me that art can definitely serve both the artist and his audience, in a way that the art does not lose its life and essence. 

Gallery

Him

Sabel in sculpture

Note to readers: This was originally an entry in my travel journal, written on the night of March 15 while having dinner at La Azotea's Cafe 108 along Session Road. The lights were dim, the music was inviting, the food was good, but not as good as 'that' moment. 

Tags: #BiyahengBaguio #Baguio #BaguioCity #BenCab

The Pope of many questions

Note to readers: This article was published in Philippine Daily Inquirer's Young Blood column in January 29, 2015. You can read the edited version on this link: http://opinion.inquirer.net/82109/pope-of-many-questions

Glyzelle Palomar, 12 years old, a former street kid who is now with Tulay ng Kabataan Foundation, asked Pope Francis in his encounter with the youth at UST about being homeless and being exposed to drugs and prostitution at an early age: “Bakit po pinapayagan ito ng Diyos na mangyari, at bakit po kaunti lang ang tumutulong sa amin?” (“Why does God allow this to happen and why are there only few people who help us?”). Hers was the shortest speech I heard from the entire Papal visit, and hers was the question that left Filipinos speechless, guilty, and sorry for. 

I wasn't able to hold back tears when Glyzelle asked Pope Francis, "Why does God allow this (streetchildren's exposure to prostitution, drugs) to happen and why are there only few people who help us?”

In the morning of November 8, 2013, the mother of Irene Pedrosa was busy cooking breakfast for the evacuees in the Barangay shelter in Palo, Leyte. That would be the last meal she prepared. Irene, 24 years old, told Lourd de Veyra in his Yolanda anniversary feature for Esquire Magazine, “I’m just asking, of all places... why this one? Why us?”

And then there is, or to be more accurate, was, Kristel Mae Padasas, a 27 year old church volunteer during Pope Francis’ visit to Tacloban who died when a piece of scaffolding fell, signaling the entrance of a new typhoon. In 2013, Kristel survived the typhoon which prompted the Pope to go to the Philippines. After 14 months, she died because of another one, ironically when the Pope was finally here. 

Knowing there is another typhoon with another casualty, leaving another father without a daughter makes me think, “Did Leyte not have enough suffering already?” 

***

The anticipated calamity forced the papal entourage to leave the province by 1 PM, or four hours earlier than scheduled. With that short amount of time, let me rephrase my question, “Did Leyte have enough of the Pope already?”

***

Pope Francis’ much anticipated and highly celebrated papal visit in our country has been full of questions. Sure there were millions of faithful waiting for him in the streets which probably pleased the worldwide audience but I am left wondering: amid all the celebrations, social media spectacle, and security concerns, did Filipinos really listen to the voices that need to be heard? Of course, I am not simply referring to his eminence’s voice. 

The Pope, as humble and as human as he is, tried his best to answer these questions and more by saying that we should learn how to weep again, take care of the needy and the poor, and protect our families and children, among other quotable quotes. He also challenged Filipinos to be the foremost missionaries of God’s love in Asia and in the world – a challenge we eagerly accepted both out of faith and sheer hospitality to foreign dignitaries. 

The closest I got to Pope Francis

But before we even dwell on the Pope’s ‘Chicken Soup for Faithful Filipinos,’ I believe we must first recall that he said in Tacloban he did not know how to address the crowd because of the pain and loss they have gone through. He also said in UST that Glyzelle’s question left us all clueless. He, the Vicar of Christ on earth, acknowledged that sometimes words are not enough solutions to our situation but instead love, mercy and compassion. These values transcend through languages, religions, and races. 

As Catholics, we are lucky to have a ‘human’ pope; a man whose humility, humor, energy and spontaneity have inspired millions to revisit their faith and standards of living. He is a pope who challenges status quos and adjusts his beliefs with the times. And for these reasons and more, I am honestly sad that Filipinos in Metro Manila had way more time with him than those in Leyte.

Surely the capital region is a center of urban poverty and a materialistic, secular society but I would want my Pope to spend more time with the people who suffered worse and are still suffering from the grave damages of typhoon Yolanda. I definitely wanted to see him with the victims in Leyte for more than 12 hours. If I had my way, they can have him for the rest of his visit while we take care of his arrival and departure, not necessarily because we want to, but because they need to. I would want my pope to go around in his mobile in the dirtiest and poorest streets of Palo and Tacloban so he can have a clearer picture of what to pray for because I know that he is closer to God than any of us. 

While the Visayas needs the help of the government, civic groups, and the lay to fully recover from the catastrophe, I also vouch that it needs a backer in heaven so God can put it among its ‘urgent deliverables.’ 

I know I can’t blame anyone for the Pope’s suspended time in Leyte except the weather, and to that I say ‘fine.’ But what I will always feel sorry for is that Pope Francis went here for the poor, most especially for the Yolanda victims but sadly he only had one morning and lunchtime to spend. 

I believe our kababayans in Visayas needed to see the Pope more and he also needed to hear more of their stories and answer their questions. I am not confident that people in Metro Manila cared enough for this but I will not dictate it upon them. After all, every Filipino wants a second of Pope’s presence because they may be undergoing difficulties on varying degrees and they hold on to him to make them lighter. Besides, as the Pope himself said, “Who am I to judge?”

Don’t get me wrong, I felt genuinely joyful and fulfilled when I saw him in person. That is a story I will endlessly share to my posterity. Perhaps this is just the effect of the Papal visit on me – to cut short the overwhelming feeling of seeing him in person and reflect on the reason for the season. I can’t help but think: Was the Pope smiling because of the magnitude of the spectators or because he believed that in some ways, thousands among these millions can help him in his mission: to tell the world of God’s love?

Surely it is the latter. Huge is such responsibility for people like me, like us, to tell the world of His love. It’s overpowering enough for a theme song, what more for a life purpose? 

As long as I know my Pope is a human pope who does not demand perfection but instead heartfelt compassion, I can probably be one of his mission aides. For now I will take baby steps. Perhaps praying for the victims of calamities, reading more news and updates about them, scheduling a future visit to Leyte, or visiting Glyzelle in Tulay ng Kabataan with some gifts to cheer her up will do – or cry as I witness the beauty of humanity and all good things that hope gives us. Why not?

The Pontifex's arrival at SM MOA for the encounter with the families. I was fortunate to have a ticket to witness the event even from outside the Arena. A monobloc chair was good enough.

Note to readers: This essay was originally written on the morning of January 19, Pope Francis' departure to Rome. 

#PopeFrancisPH #PapalVisit2015 @Pontifex  

Six-word Film Reviews

For the record, I watched a total of 46 films in 2014. 

Below is a list of what I have to say about each of them. To make things easy, I summed up each review in six (6) words only. Feel free to add your own six-word review :)

Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader show off their versatility and poured their hearts out as The Skeleton Twins, a delightful dramedy that teaches us about love: the time and distance it conquers, and the wounds that it heals. For the record, they are my favorite comic duo in SNL, and perhaps everywhere. 

1.            August: Osage County – A Meryl Streep-beating Julia Roberts

2.            American Hustle – Batman is fat. No more words

3.            12 Years A Slave – Sad stories always make good films

4.            Blue Jasmine – Cate’s last scene stole the film

5.            Wolf of Wall Street – The could’ve been Oscar for Leo

6.            Dallas Buyers Club – Jared Leto is pretty in anything

7.            Her – Sex on phone even made easier!

8.            Frozen – Because even guys say it’s good

9.            The Sessions – Yes, even cripples have sexual fantasies

10.          The Great Gatsby – Because reading the novel takes time

11.          Saving Mr. Banks – Emma Thompson ingloriously deprived of awards

12.          The Book Thief – Give me anything Jew, I’ll chew

13.          In The Name Of – Another side of clerical sexual abuse

14.          Snowpiercer – The revelation is worth the wait

15.          Mr. Pip – Did anybody watch this film too?

16.          Salmon Fishing in the Yemen – The salmons swim, their love drowns

17.          20 Feet from Stardom^ – Fact: people sing the back-up vocals

18.          Inang Yaya – First Maricel film in recent memory  

19.          Crying Ladies – At least there is Angel Aquino

20.          Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues – Kristen Wiig spiced up the comedy!

21.          Moonrise Kingdom – The kids’ hormones kicked in earlier

22.          The Secret Life of Walter Mitty – A predictable visual treat, just okay

23.          X-Men: Days of Future Past – More bromance from Magneto and Professor X

24.          Shame – Michael Fassbender’s d*ck deserves a sequel

25.          The Fault in our Stars - One that makes best friends cry

26.          Grand Budapest Hotel – Kudos Wes! Same faces, different film

27.          A Long Way Down – Cute, complicated foursome face new fates

28.          Bad Grandpa – So sorry for the clueless civilians

29.          Thor: The Dark World – Tom Hiddleston’s smirk signals part 3

30.          Begin Again – Watch again. Sing again. Love again.

31.          S6parados* – Ricky Davao plays gay so well

32.          Kasal* – Like watching porn with overwhelming emotions

33.          Hustisya* - Nora’s demanding acting tone is classic - or - 

                                     Read: “Akin na ang notebook ko!”

34.          Death March* – Good screenplay, bad film copy screened

35.          The Angriest Man in Brooklyn – Watched it after Robin’s death; wept.

36.          Kill your Darlings – Gays, bisexuals, bicurious turned classic writers

37.          About Time – Rachel McAdams kissing another time traveller

38.          Once – Save yourself from misery, it’s bittersweet

39.          The Skeleton Twins – That “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us” scene! :D

40.          The Holiday – A holiday staple for hopeless romantics

41.          Bright Days Ahead (Le Beaux Jours)** – A middle-aged woman’s boy toy

42.          Mood Indigo (L'Écume des jours)** – A dying Audrey Tautou pains me

43.          Venus in Fur (‎La Vénus à la fourrure)** – Pardon, I need to watch again

44.          Now You See Me – Mark Ruffalo dirty and mysterious, always

45.          Boyhood – 12 years in the making? Awesome!

46.          They Came Together – Ultimate parody of cliché chic flicks

^ - a documentary

* - from Cinemalaya Film Festival at CCP

** - from French Film Festival at Greenbelt Cinemas

#2014 #films #movies #kristenwiig #billhader #ilovemovies

A sinner’s journal entry

Note to readers: This short story is fiction. It includes 20 titles of the 24 books I read in 2014 (as of Christmas day) in an aim to veer away from the usual year end round-ups that I do since 2012.  

Your past does not define your future. This is what father always tells me when I confess my sins in our parish at least once a week. Father frequently advises me to say 7 Our Father’s, 7 Hail Mary’s, and 7 Glory Be’s to repent and he also says that I should strive to remain as dry as I can and forget my previous self; treat it as a buried child.

It is never easy to confess your sins to a priest, you know, especially when you can see through the sketchy window a figure of a pleasantly looking man who I bet, in his younger years, was a certified heartthrob. Anyway, the Catholic Church says that I should confess my sins as often as I can and so as a faithful and obedient servant, I try to keep my values in check (*wink). After my first encounter with father, I can’t help but think of him night and day – he was on my mind for tatlong gabi, tatlong araw. Imagine?

I tried to resist the urge but, what the heck, I want to add confession in my weekly to-do list! I want to familiarize myself with our parish and its people, including his eminence (*wink again) and so I go and call each of our night ‘the session.’  

I am not an innately sinful child but I try to commit and collect sins whenever I can just so my lock out period with father will be longer. I tell him about how I’ve been a bossypants in the office because my officemates are incompetent and how I wish that like me, they can also talk pretty one day. I admit how I hate people obsessed with labels and how I say mean things about them. Honestly, why do they have to prefer between being straight versus being not? on being professional versus being part of the BPO? on being geeks versus jocks? I also tell father that I hate my siblings for being hard core gluttons. I stock food in our fridge so all of us have something to eat but every time I open it, I am like, “Who moved my fucking cheese?” Most of the foods are gone and my siblings will retreat to their rooms or pretend to do something else. I don’t know father, I say, we never run out of food but for them it’s always like the hunger games?!

Those are just some of the sins I add to the story because I want to cherish my cleansing time with father, and you know what the funny thing is, he always, always, sends the impression that he loves to hear my stories. One time I entered the confession room and I saw his side view silhouette, but the moment I started speaking, he turned to me directly! My knees trembled at the outline of his physique, his well defined jawline, the shadow of his smile, that broad shoulder, his youthful hair, and not to mention the scent – oh gosh – his breezy scent cuts through the netted frame! His presence in that semi-lit room brings me to another place and another time. I feel like I can do unbelievable stuff like what? Climbing up the pyramids! Surfing through rice terraces! Or salmon fishing in the Yemen! Wild stuff!

Each night as I end my confession, I wait for him to speak, and when he does it’s like the first phone call from heaven! His breath in itself works wonders – it makes me want to sin again.

But father knows whom he is committed to. He plays his role so well and when he tells me what to do: boring stuff like being patient and understanding of my officemates, taking care of and dressing my family in corduroy and denim, and suggesting I go through each day guided by the words, eat, pray, love so I don’t end up catching fire in hell; you know what, I just look at him and tell myself, “Say what you want father, but I’m just gonna stare at your obscured charm and come back shortly after.”

I’m sorry father but you make the mockingjay in me chirp endlessly until I get your attention. You, father, are the President Snow to my Katniss Everdeen!

I find an empty seat after each session, careful not to sit beside weirdos who choke and cry while praying, and make the sign of the cross – in the name of the Father, the son and the holy spirit – Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I keep on questioning why you made him a priest while he can very well be mine. Seeing him (through the netted frame and the sepia room light) tells me that sinning can be rewarding sometimes. I know this remains a call of desperation, Father. Whenever I see him fixing his collar and that white suffocating thing at the center, I am reminded that whatever I am keeping for him is wrong. I know, Father, I know, this stupid is forever even if I call on a miracle worker.

XoXo,

Alice (born Alden Prince Marcos)

P.S. In case this journal got lost and someone picks it up and reads my entries, please burn after reading. I know I am living a shameful life, and is using an embarrassing alias.

* I also read ABANGAN: The Best of Philippine Komiks 2014, Alice invents a game and Alice always wins, and Virgin Labfest Anthology volume 2 but I can’t include them in this short story. I bet you know why. Ang hirap kaya!

The books:

1. Your past does not define your future - Bo Sanchez / Self Help, Memoir

2. Dry - Augusten Burroughs / Memoir

3. Buried child - Sam Shepard / Play

4. Tatlong gabi, tatlong araw - Eros Atalia / Novel

5. The Session - Aaron Petrovich / Short Story

6. Bossypants - Tina Fey / Autobiography, Memoir

7. Me talk pretty one day - David Sedaris / Essays

8. Geeks vs. jocks - Jessica Zafra / Essays

9. Who moved my cheese? - Dr. Spencer Johnson / Short story

10-12. The hunger games trilogy - Suzanne Collins / Novel

13. The funny thing is - Ellen Degeneres / Essays

14. Salmon fishing in the Yemen - Paul Torday / Novel

15. The first phone call from heaven - Mitch Albom / Novel

16. Dress your family in corduroy and denim - David Sedaris / Essays

17. Eat, pray, love - Elizabeth Gilbert / Memoir

18. Stupid is forever - Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago / Collections of speeches and jokes

19. The miracle worker - William Gibson / Play

20. Burn after reading - Joel and Ethan Coen / Screenplay

21. ABANGAN: The Best of Philippine Komiks 2014 - Various Filipino comics artists / Anthology

22. Virgin Labfest anthology volume 2 - Various Filipino playwrights / Anthology

23. Alice invents a game and Alice always wins - Nick Flynn / Play
24. May day eve and other stories - Nick Joaquin / Short stories