Pencil Awareness (Part 1)

This ‘Ber’ season always had my mind occupied with anxieties and even depression.

I knew it was coming (my officemates would tell me too), but I never anticipated its gravity.

Yeah, most of my stress came from work (not to offend anyone). While others are really, deeply personal.

I do not have the slightest idea of quitting from work because I love it. I like what I do.

What I am writing about is how poor I am in managing ME, my time, my friends, my family, my passion.

My usual days start with waking up in the morning. struggling to get in the office before 8:30. eating BBQ, sinangag, and egg.  chatting with office mates. battling with workloads. building deeper friendhsips. (seldom) texting my special someone. thinking of ways to further enhance myself. eating lunch. checking FB shortly. waiting for merienda. waiting for 5:30. going home (super late). wishing tomorrow would be better. waiting for shortly-spent weekends. taking my card in and out of the ATM. make no further holistic improvement.

So now you could say that, indeed, it could get boring.

I also heard other people ranting about their lives and how they wanted something new. I cannot let their grief take over me because I have enough of it already.

I am just so thankful that despite the negativeness I see in my new lifestyle, I have reassured myself of better people surrounding me.

I may not mention their names here but I have kept little spaces in my heart for these guys so they could all fit in.

I feel appreciated even when not speaking. I feel blessed even when not wishing. I feel lucky even when not betting.

I just hope that the Christmas season will continue to provide a sense of better direction in my life and may I remember that indeed, ‘tis the season to be jolly and not lonely.

I know that I maybe over-thinking things like I always do, but I just couldn’t help see myself falling apart while meeting deadlines and getting the nod of people.

If there are things blurred for you upon reading this, you can always ask me.

If I tell you the answers to your query that means you are a friend to me. or someone else.