THE FAULT IN OUR STARS (2012)

 John Green/ Novel

Cancer. A word which does not require any other word to follow it yet makes a resounding impact. You may know one who has it, who had it, or you are afraid of it, yourself- like me. I am a guy who fears the world of mother med. I do not like talking or thinking about diseases; hospital confinement weakens me.

Much to my surprise, The Fault in Our Starts by John Green talks about two teenage protagonists whose early lives were spent battling with the big C. As a reader, I know that I would have to surpass my limitations and deal with reading topics which normally scare me or make me anxious.

So I had to read TFIOS.

Hazel is not your typical cancer patient. She long accepted the fact that she is dying. She is only afraid of leaving like a bomb fallen on a field- destroying the area; thus, shattering happy lives of her loved ones. For this, she mostly had emotional episodes with her parents. Meanwhile, Augustus has pre-survived a leg operation and was declared NEC (no evidence of cancer). But this was only given on the surface.

It was crush-on-first-sight for Hazel when Gus first appeared in the Cancer Kids Support Group. Romantically speaking, it was not hard for Gus to be close with her. They started exchanging books, playing with common friends, spending time with each other’s families, and sharing their life wishes.

As the story progressed, I cried, laughed, and wept as to how Hazel and Gus have come to love each other (with special credits to their trip to the Netherlands in pursuit of the author of their beloved open-ended novel ‘An Imperial Affliction’), and how their lives have seemingly intertwined with the terminal disease they carry both literally and figuratively.

The world is not a wish-granting factory.

As funny as the book may be for young adults, it teaches us a lot of truth in this world from the viewpoint of teens who are deprived of longevity and youth.

The more the world is unfair, the more it is fair to you. Life gives us trials and sometimes sorrow and remorse- to test our strength and faith. It is an unwritten fact that we cannot get what we always want. Worse is that if you want to live cancer-free, like Hazel and Gus.

Most, if not, all of us, may still be wishing for grander things to happen in our lives, but I hope we could all reflect at how lucky we are not to be diagnosed with the big C-and let us try our best not to.

Should we remain discontented, we could all die of cancer- not medical cancer but spiritual, emotional psychological and social cancer. So, let us try to be thankful with what we have and what He gives us, for it should be enough.

It pains to know how the lives of Hazel and Gus have gone. As said in the book, without pain, we couldn’t know joy. To affirm it, we must first experience the bad side of life in order to fully appreciate it. But there could be another option for us- face the bad side with a smile and embrace it for a while, while walking hand-in-hand with the good side.

NOWHERE BOY (2009)

"Is nowhere full of geniuses, sir? Because then, I do probably belong there."

I love John Lennon.

That is the reason why I watched this film.

I cried to most scenes because they were emotionally affecting. To think that despite being a music icon and lyrics genius, John suffered from the difficulties of being an 'unwanted' child.

Julia, his mother, surrendered him to the custody of her sister, Mimi during breaking up with her husband (John's father). Julia never had the courage to retrieve John until he was teenager. Now she has to deal with the consequences of her cowardice while cleaning up emotional mess she has stained to young John.

After reconciliations were made, another tragedy struck John- Julia's passing. The soon-to-be Beatles front man has to face the world on his own, pursuing his music, while staying in touch with his now considered parent-guardian, Mimi.

I love John Lennon. And now that I knew his 'untold' story, I appreciated him more. He may have been an out-of-school youth and deemed to be good-for-nothing; but if building The Beatles is nothing, then his life was indeed wasted.

I think maybe that is why his (and The Beatles') music influenced me since childhood because of the emotions hidden therein. Their music is old, classic, timeless,and again, I love it.

The biopic only presented a short period in his life as a teen and has not much to do with his entry to fame. However, I can imagine him all by himself, in his room, composing, playing his guitar, thinking of his past, being passionately like these for years, and hence, creating what we now call 'history'.

I do not claim to know all information about the life of John Lennon- or Paul's, George's, and Ringo's. All I can claim is that even before maturity, I remember loving The Beatles music as my father would always play it on weekends.

I love the man. I love the band. I love their music. 

True enough, if 'nowhere' is full of geniuses,I would love to be there, too.

THE NEWSROOM brought me five years backwards

Here is the thing: if you have just finished the first season of a newly-discovered, dearly-loved television series about your interest, how would you start writing about it?

I don’t know.

What I know is that this is the least I can do to give justice to THE NEWSROOM, an HBO series written and created by Academy- award winning writer Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network).  Newsroom presents the lives of American news personnel producing a prime time newscast in a fictitious Atlantis Cable Network (ACN), who also deal with the stresses of balancing corporate and citizen interest with their profession, as well as facing their personal ordeals- love included.

In newsroom I met Will McAvoy and MacKenzie (Will and Mac). The former is the anchor and managing director while the latter is the executive producer of News Night. They are past lovers; ‘past’ because she cheated on him. Yes, she did and he has not really gotten over it. Mac is irresistibly charming and is a dignified woman. Losing her in reality would be a big deal. Will, on the other hand, is a deemed egocentric boss but is a gentleman and was a loving partner to Mac. I know their love story may have excited you, but let me tell you now- there is more in season 2. Meaning, nothing life-changing and love-changing was shot yet.

I also met some of the characters whom I already admire and secretly wish my teammates would be like- professionally speaking. They are Maggie (associate producer), Don (executive producer; formerly from Will’s team), and Jim (senior producer).

Meanwhile, in the story, they are in a love triangle. Don and Maggie are living-in partners while Jim had a crush on Maggie. Since Jim is a shy, nice guy who respects boundaries, he opted to date Maggie’s flatmate, instead. Yeah, it hurts because Jim is a good guy while Don is... a guy.

Normal audience/ fan reaction to this: when will Jim and Maggie be together? I do not know. Maybe Aaron does not know it yet, too. Let us just hope that the 2^nd season will be nicer to hopeless romantics.

Meanwhile, let me commend the writer and creative team of The Newsroom for coming up with a lot of subplots in the story while being able to return to the main plot every ending. There are as many twists and turns in each episode as chaperoned by heavy, lengthy dialogues. If you have watched the movie The Social Network, you can relate and be tolerant to this style as popularized by the scribe.

Upon finishing the first episode, I was back to being this high school -news writer wannabe wishing to be included in a team composed of highly determined, competitive and principled young men ready to risk all so that the public may know the truth via news reporting.

But that was then. Priorities have changed and God is in control of my future now. I may not be in a newsroom yet but I am surely trying my best to be a highly determined, competitive (only to myself) and principled young man wherever I am, in whatever task I have to perform.

I know that if it is for me, in time it will be. But for now, I also know that I have to wake up each morning and not expect flowers blooming outside my window and birds chirping as a way to say ‘hello’. I have to set my priorities right, first.

If first-time employees get to choose their teams, I would surely pick one like the News Night staff. I do not care about working late as long as it pays off. I do not care about not taking a rest as long as the pain is worth it. (Redundant, I know; just for emphasis). And I don’t care if I would put up a fight with my teammates as long as it’s for the good of our beloved job- beloved dreams- beloved passion.

God knows I want a career perfectly suited for me. But since I have not chanced upon it yet, I am remaining indebted to my academic and professional mentors who guided me in my short 21 years of journey through life and career. And I will remain one, most especially if I am already doing a job for a life, and not just a living.

*Sigh.

See, I thought I was writing about how I loved Newsroom being a 10-episode series but turns out I am conducting positioning assessment. Pardon me for opting to go this track in this blog. But as I always am, let me thank you for sharing part in my dream through reading this.

As how one of my wallpapers would put it: I am an idealist, I don’t know where I am going, but I’m on my way.

Trust me, with God’s providence, I always know.

Back to what I really was supposed to write

 In Newsroom, you also get to know Charlie (news division president; fully supportive of his righteous team), Sloan (anchor, economist; fiercely in pursuit of news credibility), and Neal (IT staff, blogger; highly reliable), among others.

Let me warn you though, there are certain episodes/lines which may have been written to highlight the magnificence of America as a nation (e.g. when U.S. special forces killed Bin Laden) and if you cannot take this ‘hail to the land of the brave and free’ subtle context, just let it pass- like what I did. Besides, it’s fiction. They maybe based from what or what did not happen in the US for year 2011; but it remains a fiction- a work of art.

Some contexts may have been realigned and/ or overemphasized, but for television- it is highly entertaining. And that, my friend, should be enough.

#must watch

THE READER (2008)

Genre: Drama

Director: Stephen Daldry

Casts: Kate Winslet (Hanna Schmitz)

          Ralph Fiennes (Michael Berg)

         David Kross  (young Michael Berg)

I have always wanted to watch “The Reader”, the film that made Kate Winslet an Oscar Best Actress. To my surprise, one of my favorite actors, Ralph Fiennes, is in a supporting role. Then I thought, this must be good.

So, the following are what I deemed the most important and apparent elements in the film.

FEAR. Fear captured most, if not, the rest of the lifetime of the protagonists Hanna Schmitz (Kate Winslet) and Michael Berg (David Kross, Ralph Fiennes). It made me realize how much a person could lose when all his decisions were grounded in fear: fear of admitting your weaknesses, fear of fighting for what you love, fear of standing up for salvation. When you bow down to fear too much, you lose yourself, literally and figuratively. I did not like how Hanna’s life ended but I preferred it for a film. I do not think Michael is much of a man  but looking back, I also let go of my first love the way he did, I did not give up much of a fight. And now that I can only know her whereabouts but not talk to her, I can only do so much. I just have to accept the consequences of being fearful during my teenage years. And be better the next time I fall in love.

LOVE. People say love knows no boundaries, no distance, no age, no anything. True enough. In the film, age was undefined, so was time and distance.  Michael said in the voice over that all a person needs to be happy is love. I thought that Hanna is selfish because she did not submit herself to Michael even if it was obvious he is the one she needed. Needless to say, she was his first. Like I said previously, Michael is also to blame for he did waste his chance. During the court trial when I think Hanna needed him most, he resorted to escape and temporary relief brought by cigarettes and another affair. That is a rather normal behavior for a guy his age, but those should not have been his actions. And then Hanna went to jail, Michael became a lawyer, all he could do is send her voice tapes of the books he once read her. I thought love has faded between them, but to Michael it seemed not.

ILLITERACY. Simply put, it is true that education could save oneself.

LITERATURE. In this world where new technology rules nowadays, people need to be reminded of the value literature could bring. It connects human souls, it gives a person another chance in life, it continues a story which could be traced from few letters only, and it could end miseries and relationships. More than that, it gives another meaning to life. What am I saying? ‘The woman with a little dog’ and ‘The Odyssey’ was not only referred to as a works of art, they gave value to Hanna’s character which made the film more efficient.

NAZIS AND JEWS. I have always been fascinated with stories that include Nazi occupation and Jew suffering. Not that I liked watching people suffer. Stories about them always touch me inside. I can feel the Jews’ agony and I sincerely feel sorry for them. I am grateful for the thing we call morality and justice in our current societal makeup. Films like this, along with The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Schindler’s List, and A Beautiful Life taught me lessons on respecting our differences and valuing another person as much as I do to me.

Watch it and I hope you would feel that it is not really necessary to cry for the film. Like what happened to me, I bet it will give you countless painful and pinching moments that are better felt than when crying alone.

Pencil Awareness (Part 1)

This ‘Ber’ season always had my mind occupied with anxieties and even depression.

I knew it was coming (my officemates would tell me too), but I never anticipated its gravity.

Yeah, most of my stress came from work (not to offend anyone). While others are really, deeply personal.

I do not have the slightest idea of quitting from work because I love it. I like what I do.

What I am writing about is how poor I am in managing ME, my time, my friends, my family, my passion.

My usual days start with waking up in the morning. struggling to get in the office before 8:30. eating BBQ, sinangag, and egg.  chatting with office mates. battling with workloads. building deeper friendhsips. (seldom) texting my special someone. thinking of ways to further enhance myself. eating lunch. checking FB shortly. waiting for merienda. waiting for 5:30. going home (super late). wishing tomorrow would be better. waiting for shortly-spent weekends. taking my card in and out of the ATM. make no further holistic improvement.

So now you could say that, indeed, it could get boring.

I also heard other people ranting about their lives and how they wanted something new. I cannot let their grief take over me because I have enough of it already.

I am just so thankful that despite the negativeness I see in my new lifestyle, I have reassured myself of better people surrounding me.

I may not mention their names here but I have kept little spaces in my heart for these guys so they could all fit in.

I feel appreciated even when not speaking. I feel blessed even when not wishing. I feel lucky even when not betting.

I just hope that the Christmas season will continue to provide a sense of better direction in my life and may I remember that indeed, ‘tis the season to be jolly and not lonely.

I know that I maybe over-thinking things like I always do, but I just couldn’t help see myself falling apart while meeting deadlines and getting the nod of people.

If there are things blurred for you upon reading this, you can always ask me.

If I tell you the answers to your query that means you are a friend to me. or someone else.

KHEAM

Today, me and my team went to Sisters of Mary School, Silang, Cavite.

Our task: choose the best among the graduating high school students and give them brighter future.

In total, we had forty (40) students; the cream of the crop.

I had probably ten (10) of them and I was surprised by the attitude I saw in one of these  needy yet bright students.

Her name is Kheam (“Kim”), a native of Marinduque. Upon entering the door, she started narrating her stories and I could not say anything more.

First impressions: very eager, conversationalist, determined and promising.

The following are the quotes I learned from her:

“My family needs me”

“Whatever it takes, I will look for scholarship”

“High school is a  stepping stone for small dreams, College is a stepping stone for big dreams.” -among others

Among my frequent interviews and conversations with scholarship applicants, it was the first time I felt so inspired, blessed, and emotional.

I almost cried. I just have to avoid it because she promised her father to not cry whatever dire situation they are in. So I thought, if she could do that despite their lack of resources, why can’t I? why can’t most people do?

This girl is very strong, persevered, and has plans on succeeding in life.

She gave me hope. She inspired me to continue and do better in my job.

She is one solid evidence of the rationale behind corporate social responsibility..behind our scholarship program…behind our commitment to assisting students achieve quality education that they were underprivileged of.

I thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity to listen to the youth and be one with their dreams.

Who knows, I may not stay forever in the same company, but I might be advocating for the same cause for the rest of my life?

*Sigh.Smile.

HR-CSR Christmas Party

Just got home from an evening of fun, laughter, friendship, and prizes: Megaworld HR-CSR Christmas Party 2011 vis-a-vis Erl’s birthday bash.

I had one of the best moments since working in Mega. My gratitude extends to all my office mates who despite being overloaded, were capable of organizing  the party.

I loved how we made fun of ourselves; imitating our more popular mannerisms in the office.

I also liked how we played games, ate food, exchanged gifts, and laughed at anything. No work. No worries. At least for a day.

Next year, I may not know which of these folks will remain but one thing I will forever hold dear: our relationship which is way more than ‘workmates’.

I miss these guys already. I care for them. I will pray for them.

The rest is up to the hands of our Master Architect.

#Rossiscontentedandhappy.

GOOD WILL HUNTING (1997)

Director: Gus Van Sant
Genre: Drama 
Cast:  Matt Damon (Will Hunting)
         Robin Williams (Sean Maguire)
         Ben Affleck (Chuckie)
         Stellan Skarsgråd (Prof. Gerard Lambeau)
         Minnie Driver (Skylar)

This is the “Tuesdays with Morrie” of films.

Matt Damon played sincerely effective in his role as Will Hunting. I remembered also getting attached to him as Tom Ripley in “The Talented Mr. Ripley”. I know that for most fans, Damon is known for the “Bourne” series, which I have not watched any installment yet. But I am glad to know him first as an actor in the shoes of talented, genius, deceptive, fragile, honest, and carefree persons.

In the film, I broke into tears in the Williams- Damon “It’s not your fault” scene. I felt everyone can connect to it the way I did. It feels really good to be able to surrender to somebody and admit that your dark past, imperfections, failures, and senseless existence is not originally your fault. You cry and lift up your worries to someone else whom you know could carry the weight with you. And after that, you feel like born again; always ready to start anew. Until now, as I’m writing this, I am teary-eyed. I looked back to those days when I surrendered and asked Him to help me, and I will cooperate.

By the way, Williams as Sean the guidance counsellor is the type of person you would wish to see each week and spend time talking to, even staring to. I admit, through him, I missed my confidences with true friends and mentors.

Unlike Will Hunting, if you cannot easily solve a math equation, why not attempt first to solve life’s mysteries. Who knows, maybe in that aspect you could be half a genius?

or more of GWH, here’s the link, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119217/

THE PAINTED VEIL (2006)

This film is painstakingly romantic.

Edward Norton as Walter Fane is a man of dedication, commitment and underrated love. While his wife, Naomi Watts as Kitty Fane is the imperfect, spoiled, and more unrestricted one.

The film’s location (a remote town in China in the time of Cholera) is an appropriate back drop for a nearly broken marriage. The situation Fanes’ are into is hard enough to deal with, yet the calmness of nature helped in making it more bearable for the audience.

Meanwhile, the epidemic showed the couple the reality that people are suffering from worse conditions than them, and there are endless ways to be of service to fellowmen.

Before I forget, the topic of Infidelity opened up the film, and in the end it was nonetheless confirmed, that love, forgiveness and acceptance can help a person stand up from her/his mistakes and face life anew.

Sidenote: It pains a lot to see a noble character die in a rivaling disease from which he once lead a battle.

My Recommendation: MUST WATCH.

PASINAYA 2012

Thank you Lord for the gift of arts!

Kakauwi lang galing sa Pasinaya 2012: CCP Open House Festival.

Masaya ako at naabutan ko ang Gala Night; showcasing CCP’s resident companies such as Phil. Philharmonic Orchestra, Ballet Phil., Ramon Obusan Folkloric Dance Troupe, Tanghalang Filipino, and Phil. Madrigal Singers, among others.This year, CCP also invited our Iloilo cultural friends and Dinagyang festival dancers.

This is what I like doing. Spending time with myself, strangers, and the arts.

“Ang sining ay hindi salamin ng lipunan, bagkus isa itong kasangkapan para hubugin ito.”

THE STREET LAWYER

Author: John Grisham

“What are you thinking”,she said softly.

Everything and nothing… thirty-two days earlier I had been married to someone else, living in  different apartment, working in a different firm, a complete stranger to the woman I was now holding. How could life change so drastically in a month?

I didn’t dare think of the future; the past was still happening.- Michael Brock

> I never expected smiling upon finishing this book.

Compelling. Has a great effect on me as a reader, law enthusiast, single guy, principled man. 

Nakakatuwa lang isipin na mabigat ang dating ng istorya pero hindi pala talaga. Simple, organisado, may puso, at totoo. Pinakita lahat yan ng isang dating ordinaryong abogado na nakapagbago.

Tunay nga’t kung minsan, ang mga prinsipyong pinanghahawakan natin sa paaralan ay ang siyang mga tinatapon na natin paglabas dito. Pagkatapos ay mapatutunayan nating hindi pala mali itong mga bagay na ‘to. Pundasyon sila sa ating inaaral at ikabubuhay.

Basahin ito (1) upang magkaroon pa ng mas malawak na pang-unawa (understanding/ compassion) sa mga kapatid nating kapus-palad, (2) para matuto tayo kung paano tumayo sa prinsipyo kapalit ng yaman, at (3) pahingahin ang puso. 

THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER

Author: Sthephen Chbosky

I first saw this book when I was in fourth year college. I read the synopsis and was immediately excited to read the entire novel. Instantly I knew that this is something I can relate to.

And I was not disappointed.

The presentation of the novel is in diary form. Reading through it gives an awkward sense of cheating because the entries are too personal and detailed. In normal life actually, reading these pages could actually cost a person a friendship or a broken relationship.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed sneaking in a teenager’s life. For once, I am reading somebody else’s diary and not mine. Yes, I’ve been keeping diaries since 2010. And it only helps me become more transparent and secure.

I remembered what the author noted in the acknowledgment, he thanked a friend for remembering he was wrong when he was fourteen. This is also the age when I did everything possibly wrong yet exciting. Looking back on those years, I am grateful for gaining true friends along the way. Like Charlie in ‘Perks’, they helped me survive high school life. They were there when I was wrong and they were never gone when I wanted things to be right.

One factor I found most special in the book is the innocence of Charlie that is reflected in his writings. Nothing of which has motives and I simply appreciate the fact that he does not know how honest he is, to himself, to his family and friends. Anyone who came across the sincerity of this guy would find it inspiring.

This book narrates the journey of a typical teenage/high school student throughout love, life and friendship. To my peers who have gone through these things way back in high school, let us all read the book and laugh, cry, feel for Charlie because we were once like him.

 In the end, never cease from looking backward. And never stop moving forward.

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT (2010)

Love can really come even from the most complicated, unconventional of all set-ups.

Nic (Annette Benning) and Julie (Julianne Moore) are lesbian couple rearing their two teenage kids Laser and Joni. They were happy all along until the kids’ curiosity lead to the introduction of their moms’ sperm donor, Paul (Mark Ruffalo).  After several occasions and meet-ups, trust and commitment issues surfaced. In the end, Nic and Julie proved that marriage is what its worth: two people loving each other, making decisions (wrong or right), getting through the years, and sticking to each other after all.

This film made me see the challenges of parenting, lesbian relationships, and adolescence. Of course I can only relate to the last one, but to present these issues in an honest way made me appreciate the efforts my parents exert every single time of every single day.

At first I thought that Paul would be the missing piece in the puzzle; the one who can fill in the paternal gap in the family. But as the film progressed, I thought that he was used as a catalyst for the family to mature as one, to grow in love and fate.

This film is sweet. It made me smile lighter and be thankful for a current convenient set-up with my own family. It made me cry because it’s simply complicated. Before everything was fine with your family and the next thing you know, they all wanted to be detached from you. It must have been really hard for someone especially like Nic. I hope someday when I have my own family, I could be loyal to them and always go back to my vow.

Remarkable acting for Annette and Julianne, by the way.

Love can really come even from the most complicated, unconventional of all set-ups.

Mamay

March 18, 2012 (Sunday)

Last Thursday I went home my usual self, looking down on the streets, and walking fast. Until I noticed that our small place was well- lit, with people sitting everywhere, and beside our house was a funeral situated. I asked my mom…

Sino yan? (referring to the coffin)

Si Mamay.

I was instantly shocked and sad. I knew that someday soon this is going to happen, but life’s shocking moments really gets into you when you least expect them. That night was one of them.

‘Mamay’ or Aling Linda, 71, is an elderly part of our community. She is a lesbian, known for living beside our house, used to live in with a partner, got separated, with failed video- karera and sari-sari store businesses, and infamous custodian to small children from neighbouring parents. Just late last year, she sold her house to another landlord, thus, evicting her from her place. She was then forced to live with her remaining kins (who also live just within our place) until last Wednesday.

As I observed Mamay throughout the years, she has never lost her position as a senior in Kagitingan, Tondo. Whenever she has an argument with a neighbour (one with my parents), her usual dialogue was…

Hoy, tumanda na ko dito! Putanginang ka. Alam ng lahat ng tayo ‘yan, wala akong inagrabyado dito. Alam ng Diyos yan. Sa tinanda ko dito, wala akong masamamng ginawa.

To be honest, this is what she says to whoever tries to correct her. It is annoying, but without it, Tagumpay Street would never be the same. She is one among the icons of this street. She gives colors to our everyday.

When it comes to taking care of children, she is rude, mean and abusive. She would curse them and hurt them. I don’t know exactly if it’s because of old age, but she never cease to hit them and flood them with bad words. She would normally say while hitting them…

Putangina kang bata ka, hayop ka, matigas talaag ang ulo mong gago ka.

Everybody feels sorry for her and the kids, but nobody cares enough.

Matanda na kasi e,  was the normative reaction.

One cold morning, I opened our gate and was shocked to see her sleeping in front of her old house (which is now a four-storey fresh edifice), there sitting in a chair, head down, and body curved. I do not know what to do or say, but to feel pity for her. I then prayed that God blesses her.

Mamay is actually an inspiration to me. I see her as a great character in a typical Tondo story. I will miss Mamay. I know that she is now with her Creator. I am glad that now she has peace.

Who turned on the TB?

This March has been a trying month for me. It was March 13 when I received the result of my medical examination from our company’s health care provider. I never thought of the gravity of the impression found in my chest x-ray until my sir told me that if proven active, I should get medication for a six- month period; by implication I would not be employed. Yeah, my x-ray said I am a suspect of primary tuberculosis.

By 5pm that day, I do not know what to do or what I am doing, except that I can see the world crashing before me. My dream of shifting to another career, saving up for the next months, and my consistent bonding with my loved ones would all be affected if the result is positive. It scared me to death I almost cried while talking to my two closest friends on the phone. It was like a scene in a movie; touching to watch on screen, but devastating to experience.

Good enough, I was reminded that “Nothing is impossible with God who strengthens me.” I know that in times like these, Faith in God is my first and last refuge. Only through it can I surpass yet another challenge in my twenty years of existence.

The following days, I went to the hospital, treated as a patient, anxiously waited for my results, and revisited my pulmonary doctor. He said that basing from all that has been said and done, I have an inactive PTB. I was once exposed to the bacteria, although it has not affected my system. Clinical procedures confirmed that my sputum (phlegm) does not contain the bacteria responsible for TB, my two chest x-rays (with a one year interval) looks identical, hence, it has not gone worse, and it does not pose a threat to the people surrounding me. Also, I do not have cough or phlegm for the last months. Thank you Lord for these findings! For the record, hindi ako nakakahawa.

Until now I feel cowardice whenever sharing my recent encounter with mother med. Its world of drugs and machines, medication, tiled floors and ceilings, and masked personnel scares me since childhood. But through it all, I repeatedly hum, “Nothing is impossible with God who strengthens me.” And it is true, it was true, and forever will be true.

After that period, I learned to be more conscious of my environment, more faithful to my source of strength and healing, and more compassionate with the people who have it, even to those with other conditions. I know that the challenge for me is not over yet. As long as I am living, there will be another storm. The good thing about it is that every single day of the year, there would be sunlight.

Taxi Tales: Anting- Anting and Gays in Heaven

Last Thursday, I was having second thoughts of going in an ‘official business trip’. Since it is part of my job and no one else is available, I committed. Not to mention that I am bringing a million peso check.

On my way to UST and back to our office in Makati, I hired two taxis and made acquaintances with the drivers.

First is a former amateur boxer in GenSan. He said that when he was younger, he was a victor- winning all local boxing matches, especially during fiestas. He revealed that in Mindanaoan regions, anting-anting (amulet, charm) is commonly used to win or earn something in your favor. Allegedly, he, among Rolando Navarete and Manny Pacquaio have used such to knock down their foes.

Locals believed that during Navarete’s fame, he used a ‘kulintas’ (kwintas, necklace) as a secret ingredient. This has been stolen from their family and they never knew who the theft was or to whose hands it landed. Kuya said that maybe Pacquaio got it because Manny once saw a necklace floating in the sea.

Baka yun ang ginagamit niya. O baka nakatago dun sa kwintas niya kapag lalaban siya, referring to PacMan’s rosary as we see in all his fights.

Meanwhile, the second is married and a father of three. When we stopped at Petron, he asked me, bakla ka ba? Surprised, I answered, hindi po, bakit? He explained that he had encountered gay passengers who are Thomasians.Hindi ako tiga-UST at nagta-trabaho na po ako, was my immature defense.

He ranted as if we were two people sitting in a veranda, drinking beer with roasted peanuts, and he has just been dumped by a gay benefactor.

Mas madali maging lalaki di ba? (Opo) Kasi kahit pangit kang lalaki, basta may pera, gwapo ka na.

To be fair, I hope that he has heard of the saying, “Pag ang lalaki gipit, sa bakla kumakapit” so he could realized that no matter how ugly a gay is, as long as s/he could send a person to school, s/he, too, becomes a maiden in the eyes of his/her beneficiary.

May mga nasakay ako noon mga bakla, ang lalaki ng suso (chuckles), puro gawang Thailand (Kasi po tanggap na dun ang ganun)

Nakinig ka ba kila Korina dati? Sabi ng isang caller na bakla, tatanggapin pa rin daw sila sa langit pag namatay sila (laughs). Tangina! Pati ba naman sa langit tuturuan mo ng kabaklaan ang mga santo? (Tumawa rin ako)

When we were approaching TWC, I realized how surprised I was to hear the drivers’ stories. At least, they had the opportunity to talk to someone amidst the exhausting streets of Manila and Makati. And I thank them because they changed my mood. They inspired me to smile and to write.

I did not mind asking their names and whereabouts, just knowing them through stories is enough for a morning treat.

P.S. I did not like to mention Korina (Sanchez) because she has a reputation for being a b**ch, but since she was included in the storytelling, I have to.

My laptop is not a pig! tao siya...

This morning, I watched a film in my laptop, Clayton (his name is John Mayer’s middle name). As usual, I took out his battery to prevent excess heat, and to my dismay, he resisted when I inserted the cable connected to the electric plug.

This is the first time he snubbed me like that. I was nervous.

I had to then use his remaining 17 minutes and see what happens next. As the film progresses, I anxiously watch him take his last breaths. Then it happened. He shut down, still without light when I plugged in the charger and cable… I felt like a part of me has died.

3rd Birthday

On May 14, it’s his junior year. I thought that this is farewell for us. Several minutes after, he lit up again. Thanks God! Clayton has served me well. He has been a very loyal companion through my trying times in college. Among the outputs I did with him were:

*Thesis
*Two Claymations
*Film Script
*Blogs
*Music Video, et al

I am not prepared to let go of him. Just not yet.

Signs of Old Age

Three years for a laptop’s life span is very good. I knew those of my friends who just made it little less than a year. Hence, I am proud of Clayton. Technically, without him, I would not have graduated Cum Laude. It was tough to take on a predominantly technical course like Mass Communication. I needed gadgets, especially an efficient laptop.

After I graduated from college, the disc drive of Clayton failed. I think dusts have accumulated and I have to clean it. More so, I haven’t scanned him in a year, perhaps. 

I may have been insensitive because during his ailing times, I didn’t nurse him.

Whatever Happens: Hibernate, Restart or Shut Down

I know that there have been signs and I have to be more cautious of using him in the future because I might lose him for real. But come what may: hibernate, restart or shut down, I will continue holding him dear; someone who has a place in my heart.

THE KITE RUNNER (2003)

Khaled Hosseini/ Novel/ Php 200.00

Brothers in bond, but not in blood, or so I think.

While reading this debut novel of Hosseini, I could not help but pray to myself: I wish it did not have to happen.

It still pains to run, play, and fly kites with Amir and Hassan; two boys whose lives have been connected since childhood. Hosseini makes it easier to read as each turn of the page adds up to their years, which then allows the boys to mature as men.

There are moments when I pause to catch my breath, cut my surprise, or wipe out a tear. Aside from Jew- Nazi stories, I am always captivated by stories of friendship. Putting the boys in an unruly community during a repressed 70’s Afghanistan, and connecting their bloodlines on the latter part of the story, are two of the strongest ingredients that make up a buffet filled with a platter of loyalty, a bowl of love, spoonfuls of neglect, betrayal, caste and denial, and a main course of redemption.

The Kite Runner is indeed a treat. I said it before and I will never grow weary of saying it again; it is one of my favourite stories, if not, the. It is an after-movie novel which I read and since then, I feel like a part of me resides an Amir, who constantly seeks for Baba’s approval, and a Hassan, who is a loyal brother and friend.

Segue: Books such as A Separate Peace, and Boy in the Striped Pajamasboth feature brotherly bond which started from childhood, and have changed the protagonists’ lives ever since. 

RUNNING WITH SCISSORS (2002)

Augusten Burroughs/ Memoir/ Php 150.00

No one is spare from being a child. But to unfortunate others, they are spared of their childhood.

In this compelling memoir, Burroughs generously recounts his early years living with his psychotic mom Dierdre, negligent father Norman, barely visible brother, and ironically crazy family of his parents’ psychiatrist Dr. Finch.

Funny and witty are both understatements to the style of writing put in this book. Burroughs shares how he felt for his first boyfriend Neil; less talk, more sex, and much more devoutness. He also introduces the Finch family through itemizing the bizarre interiors of their pink house, writing down their curses, up to revealing some of their wildest take on faith and destiny.

For a memoir to be this keen and vain, it is undoubtedly written by someone whose observation of his childhood translates to life long-kept memories, and only through writing them could he be able to say his childhood is so F***ed up. In the end, I thank him for sharing his stories and make me be grateful of mine.

I read it in the jeepney, in the house and in the office, and I feel lucky to read Burroughs, for he has a great sense of entertainment.

Segue: ABNKKBSNPLAko  and Stainless Longganisa are two entertaining memoires of Filipino satirical author penned as Bob Ong. You might want to read them first before going foreign.

THE SECRET LIFE OF BEES (2002)

Sue Monk Kidd/ Novel/ Php 75.00

                In my previous entries, I normally express what connections I feel in the book and the reasons why I like it. This time though, I will be answering eleven “Questions for Discussions” included in The Secret Life of Bees.

1. Were you surprised to learn that T. Ray used to be different, that he once truly loved Deborah? How do you think Deborah’s leaving affected him? Did it shed any light on why T. Ray was so cruel and abusive to Lily?

                I am not surprised to learn that T. Ray used to genuinely love Deborah. Probably because I know how a man feels when he sincerely loves a woman- the feeling remains eternal.  And as I was reading, I hold in my heart the hope that T. Ray really did, even for once.

                Deborah’s leaving crashed T. Ray entirely. He lost a man of dreams, a gentle and loving father, a kind neighbour, and a faithful son of God. Deborah’s parting justifies T. Ray’s change of persona; however, his actions remain unjustified.

2. Had you ever heard of ‘kneeling on grits’? What qualities did Lily have that allowed her to survive, endure, and eventually thrive despite T. Ray?

                One of the old-fashioned corporal punishments practiced in the Philippines is by kneeling, not on grits, but on rock salt or monggo. Sometimes with things lifted in both hands, or with swatting or slapping involved. Luckily, I have not experienced such.

                Meanwhile, Lily is a will-powered teenager. Despite her youth, she is molded by strength, conviction, dignity, and love. She uses these to escape from brutality and injustice, and later on finds belongingness and family.

3. Who is the queen bee in this story?

                The queen bee, as described in the novel, is the source of oneness of an entire colony. She is strictly guarded and lives a luxurious life. Once gone, the entire colony gravely suffers and dies. Suffice to say that she is the center of another universe we do not live in. If I may, the queen bees in the story are the Black Madonna and August Boatwright.

                The Black Madonna (or Black Mama Mary) represents the inner strength that everybody possesses. We feel her mostly during solitude and trying times. One finds peace from feeling and trusting that she is enough because she is loved. She is protected by the mother of Jesus Christ. She is treated like her daughter.

                Meanwhile, August Boatwright, being the eldest of the Calendar sisters, seems to be the perfect older sister that everyone wishes to have. She is a mother, father, brother, sister, priest, doctor, leader, cook, and adviser- combined. She knows your deepest concerns even when not telling them, and she manifests composure during the hardest times in the women’s lives.

4. Lily’s relationship to her dead mother was complex, ranging from guilt to idealization, to hatred, to acceptance. What happens to a daughter when she discovers her mother once abandoned her? Is Lily right- generally, would people rather die than forgive? Was it harder for Lily to forgive her mother or herself?

                Lily’s relationship to her dead mother becomes complex when she starts to (1) remain guilty for accidentally killing her, and (2) create an impression of a perfect Deborah. She boxes herself in a fairytale story because she is escaping a harsh reality. And truly, no one can blame such fourteen year-old.

                On another note, I believe that arrogant people would really rather die than forgive. But to those who have changed over time, it is easier to forgive than to be doomed in hatred. With commendable help from Rosaleen, Boatwright sisters, and the Daughters of Mary, Lily eventually forgives herself and her mother and realizes that her life is precious, and so does she.

5. Lily grew up without her mother, but in the end she finds a house full of them. Have you ever had a mother figure in your life who wasn’t your true mother? Have you ever had to leave home to find home?

                Aside from my mother, no one has affected and changed me notably. Though I dearly remember special women who have imparted wisdom, I still do not consider them immediately next to my mother.

                Leaving home to find another home is a sad chapter in anyone’s life. I find home to be the safest among the places I have been to. Of course, there are times when I wish I am with friends and caring groups, but home spells family. And family spells love. Love, then, spells life.

6. What compelled Rosaleen to spit on the three men’s shoes? What does it take for a person to stand up with conviction against brutalizing injustice? What did you like best about Rosaleen?

                Dignity and self-righteousness is what compels Rosaleen to spit on those racists. It takes faith in man and in God to rival social injustices. I admire brave Rosaleen for standing up and fighting for her freshly- enacted right amidst a racist American society. My favorite Rosaleen trait is obviously her dignity. The ‘I ain’t saying sorry to them bastards’ attitude is highly commendable.

7. Have you ever heard of the Black Madonna? What do you think of the story surrounding the Black Madonna in the novel? How would the story be different if it had been a picture of a White Virgin Mary? Do you know women whose lives have been deepened or enriched by a connection to an empowering Divine Mother?

                Before this novel, I have not heard of the Black Madonna. The story of the Black Madonna (Madonna of Chains) in the novel is an instrument to gauge the roots of faith of the Daughters of Mary. I honestly could not think of it being white. And lastly, I do not know a women’s group whose lives have been deepened or enriched by a connection to an empowering Divine Mother. I only know a congregation called Sisters of Mary, whose advocacy is educating the poor and providing them livelihood. In fact, they are one of our partners in our scholarship program.

8. Why is it important that women come together? What did you think of the Calendar Sisters and the Daughters of Mary? How did being in the company of this circle of females transform Lily?

                First of all, I am a guy, therefore I could only speak what I think is appropriate. Over the years, women have successfully battled their rights and causes, and have been heard. This is one proven result of oneness of the women. Worldwide, there are notable women leaders in politics and pioneers in education, science, peace, health, and church.

                Going back, the Calendar Sisters provides Lily a family while the Daughters of Mary gives her a community. In all, she can now claim an identity. Being in such companies, Lily realizes the importance of forgiveness, inner strength, love, and a call for maturity.

9. May built a wailing wall to help her come to terms with the pain she felt. Even though we don’t have May’s condition, do we also need rituals, like wailing walls, to help us deal with grief and suffering?

                In Jewish practice, a wailing wall is located in Jerusalem to serve as direct channel to God. Tourists gather and pray or mourn, whichever they find fitting. They insert papers in the crevices containing their prayers and intentions. I think that May is clever to create her own wailing wall. It helps her all the time.

                There is nothing wrong with rituals or practices that help us cope with the harshness of reality. But more than that, I think we should never lose faith and never cease to pray. On another note, whenever I feel like prayers are not enough, I write in my diary, talk to a trusted friend, and blog through my social networks.

10. How would you describe Lily and Zach’s relationship? What drew the together? Did you root for them to be together?

                Lily and Zach’s admiration for each other is fairly normal.  Given that they routinely see each other in one setting makes it easier for them to grow closer and be sweeter. I honestly do not care whether they end up or not. Zach has dreams to pursue and so does Lily. The novel says they will part ways but in the meantime, I hope they get to achieve their dreams first.

11. Project into the future. Does Lily ever see her father again? Does she become a beekeeper? A writer? What happens to Rosaleen? What happens to Lily and Zach? Who would Zach be today?

                Every reader wants a happy ending, including me. Hence, given the chance to project the characters destiny, the following would be my preferences:

                Lily sees T. Ray again, but this time, T. Ray is a changed man. Either he serves in a church or he is a successful businessman (exporter of peaches). If not, Lily sees T. Ray after she gets married and is a mother now, but this time; T. Ray is bedridden and is soon to die.

                I am certain that Lily will be a beekeeper. She spends her adolescence and womanhood with the Boatwright Sisters and be a honey bee entrepreneur too. She could also become a writer if she would be able to translate her childhood into a beautiful story. Or she could write about a common girl becoming an ‘it’ girl in their school, and how it is not important to be one.

                I hope Rosaleen finds her man. It would be nice for her to start a family and raise her children well. Lily and Zach, as I said before, would accomplish their dreams first, and then they see each other after a long time, and go into relationship. Lastly, I wish Zach would be a case-winning, ass- kicking lawyer.

           The Secret Life of Bees is a treasure revealed. It teaches readers to believe in the divine power of love. It confirms the inevitable value of maternal love. It welcomes everyone who has personal issues to the pink house, in the hope that one day; they could get out of it as a changed person. You need not to cry while reading it. It is enough for you to realize that while you can, taste the sweetness of life and hum with your loved ones.

              Segue: if you are into paternal love, try reading The Road byCormac McCarthy, a story of a father and son amidst a post-apocalyptic America. Painful, tiring, and emotionally-awakening. Also try reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon (the story is not really paternal love), I just wish to introduce you to Christopher’s father, Ed.